Because clanship is matrilineal in the Cherokee society, it is forbidden to marry within one's clan. Because the woman holds the family clan, she is represented at the ceremony by both her mother ( or clan mother) and an oldest brother. The brother stands with her as his vow to take the responsibility of teaching the male children in spiritual and religious matters, as that is the traditional role of the 'uncle' (e-du-ii). The groom is accompanied by his mother and his sister. The sister stands with him as her vow to take the responsibility of teaching the female children in spiritual and religious matters, as that is the traditional role for the "aunt" (uhlogi).

After the sacred spot for the ceremony has been blessed for seven consecutive days, it is time for the ceremony.The bride and groom approach the sacred fire and are blessed by the priest and / or priestess. All participants of the wedding including guests are also blessed. Songs are sung in Cherokee, and those conducting the ceremony bless the couple. Both the bride an groom are covered in a blue blanket. At the right point of the ceremony, the priest or priestess removes each blue blanket, and covers the couple together with one white blanket, indicating the beginning of their new life together. Instead of exchanging rings, in the old ways the couple exchanged food. The groom brought ham of venison or some other meat to indicate his intention to provide for the household. The bride provided corn or beanbread to symbolize her willingness to care and provide nourishment for her household.  The gifts of meat and corn also honor the fact that traditionally. Cherokee men hunted for the household, while women tended the farms. It also reflects the role of Kanati (first man) and Selu (first woman). The couple drink together from a Cherokee Wedding Vase. The vessel holds one drink, but has two openings for the couple to drink from at the same time. 

Following the ceremony the town, community or clans provide a wedding feast and the dancing and celebrating can go on all night.. Today, some Cherokee traditionalists still observe these wedding rituals. There also many  variations on the ceremony. Dress is usually in a Cherokee Tear Dress and Ribbon Shirt.  Cherokee Nation has a marriage law and Cherokee couples are allowed to marry under this law instead of the State marriage laws. This is because Cherokee Nation is a sovereign government. The couple is not required to obtain a license; however  the person conducting the ceremony must be licensed by the Cherokee Nation in order to do so. After the religious leader contacts the Cherokee Nation District Court, the court clerk will prepare a certificate. This paper shows that the couple were indeed married in a ceremony by a religious or spiritual leader licensed to do so. The certificate is returned to the District Court after all parties have signed it, and filed in the official records.

As is noted above, one cannot marry within one's own clan, so all marriages are approved by the mother of the bride and all living women members of the her family.     So, for a young man to ask for the hand of a maiden , he must first prove that he can provide for his wife and take care of her.  To do this he must first ask for her hand.  If the "mothers" thought that this might be a good union, they gave a "tack approval" of the courtship.  Then he must clear ground and plant a garden and erect a house for her to live in.  This was to prove that he could provide for her and the children.  Once this has been proven, and this would take a full year, he would then again asks for her hand.  If the mother(s) approve, the  above described ceremony can take place.  (The only thing the father did, openly, was to escort his daughter to the circle.)

Once they had established a home together, any children that came from the marriage were taught by either the "uncle", for the boys and the "aunt" for the girls.  In this way, the family's were "tied" together.   Family abuse, in any form, was highly frowned upon.  The aunts and uncles were the first to try and stop any abuse, and failing that, the whole village became involved.  The old way teaches that every child belongs to every family and a child could eat and sleep in any home, and be treated as a child of that home.

Divorce, within the Cherokee, was a simple matter.  If a man came home and found his hunting and war tools and some clothing outside the home, he was out and the divorce had taken place.  If he could repair what ever had caused the "rift", then he would be allowed to return.  If not............good by Charlie!!!!!!! The home and crops were the mothers "property".  And  ownership of them remained on the female side.

We do hope that this gives you some insight into how the Cherokee did things and why they did things as they did.  They worked together, raised the children, teaching them the things that they needed to know to live in their world.  They had a hard but happy life that was very much in tune with nature and the natural world.  They had time to love and raise happy children, and to play and make work play.  Oh that we could do this today.